The Risk-Taker Pattern: Why You Take Risks to Prove You Aren't Afraid
Do you do dangerous things just because you don't want to look weak? Learn how to stop taking bad risks and find true courage.
What is The Risk-Taker?
The Risk-Taker is a pattern where you believe that being scared is the worst thing a man can be. You might take big risks with your money or your safety just to show others that you are not a 'sissy.'
Common Signs & Symptoms
The Dare Trap
You do something dangerous as soon as someone says, 'I bet you won't do it.'
Hiding Your Fear
Even if your heart is beating fast and you are scared, you act like you are totally calm.
Money Gambling
You put your money into risky deals or games just to feel the 'rush' and look like a big winner.
Acting Too Fast
You jump into situations without thinking about what could go wrong.
Common Triggers
Feeling Called 'Weak'
When someone suggests you are afraid or that you are being too careful.
Social Pressure
Being around other people who are doing risky things and wanting to fit in.
Old Rules for Boys
Remembering when you were told, 'Don't be a sissy' or 'Big boys don't get scared.'
How People Usually Respond
Doing the Bad Idea (Unhealthy)
Doing the risky thing even when you know it is a bad idea, just to prove a point.
Risking Your Future (Unhealthy)
Spending money you need for rent or food on a 'get rich quick' idea.
The Smart Pause (Healthy)
Stopping to ask: 'Is this a smart choice or am I just trying to look brave?'
Self-Therapy Approach
How to Stop the Risk-Taker Pattern
1. Ask the 'Smart or Afraid' Question
Next time you are about to take a big risk, stop for one minute. Ask yourself: 'Am I doing this because it is a smart plan, or because I am afraid people will think I am weak?' If the answer is 'fear,' do not do it. Real strength is saying no to a bad idea.
2. Name Your Fear
It is okay to feel scared. Everyone does! When you feel fear, say it to yourself: 'I am feeling scared right now, and that is okay.' You do not have to prove anything to anyone. Being honest about your fear is the first step to being a real man.
3. Think About the Future
Before you take a risk with your money or safety, think about tomorrow. What happens if this goes wrong? If the 'bad result' will hurt your life or your family, then the risk is not worth it. A smart leader protects his future.
4. Use the Self-Therapy Map
Open the Mindeln App and use the Self-Therapy Map feature. Connect this 'Risk-Taker' part to your other feelings. Use the questions in the app to deep dive into these thoughts. You will start to see why you feel you must always be 'the brave one.'
5. Practice Being 'Quietly Brave'
You don't need a crowd to see your courage. True courage is making the right choice when no one is watching. Try to be careful and smart for one week. Notice that you are still strong even when you aren't taking risks.
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When to Seek Professional Help
Seek professional help if you are losing all your money to gambling or risky deals. Also, talk to someone if you are putting your physical life in danger often, or if you feel you cannot stop yourself from taking risks even when you want to.
Scientific Background
The Science of Risk and Fear
Social Conditioning
When boys are told 'don't be a sissy,' their brains learn to hide fear. This is called 'Social Conditioning.' The brain starts to see fear as a 'threat' to their identity. To get rid of the threat, they take a risk to prove they are brave.
Adrenaline and Reward
Taking a risk sends a chemical called Adrenaline through your body. It makes you feel very alive and strong. For some, the brain gets used to this 'rush' and wants it all the time. This can lead to dangerous habits.
The Prefrontal Cortex
This is the part of your brain that thinks about the future. When you are in 'Risk-Taker' mode, this part of the brain often turns off. We need to practice pausing so that this 'thinking part' can help us make better choices.
The Mindeln Approach
How Mindeln Helps the Risk-Taker
At Mindeln, we use Internal Family Systems (IFS) to understand your 'Brave Part.' This part is actually trying to protect you from being laughed at or called names.
The Mindeln Process
- Acknowledge the Protector: Thank the part of you that wants to be brave. It has been trying to keep your pride safe for a long time.
- Deep Dive with the Map: Use the Self-Therapy Map to find the root of the 'don't be a sissy' rule. Was it a coach? A father? A friend?
- Build True Confidence: Mindeln helps you build a 'Core Self' that doesn't need to take bad risks to feel valuable.