The Two People Living Inside You: A Secret to Internal Negotiation

By Burak Aktaş, Founder of Mindeln Software Engineer and studying at RWTH Aachen University, Self-Therapy Practitioner

Have you ever felt like you are fighting against yourself? You want to finish a task, but a voice inside says, "Not now." You make a mistake, and a voice inside either cruelly attacks you or surprisingly defends you.

Who is that voice? If we are one person, why do we have internal arguments?

The truth is, we aren't just one person. To live effectively, you must realize that you are managing two distinct individuals living in a single body.

Table of Contents

• Meet Your Two Internal Residents
• The Art of Internal Persuasion
• The Reward System: Building Trust Between Selves
• Sacrifice and the Debt of Rest
• The Result: Self-Compassion Through Management

1. Meet Your Two Internal Residents

Inside you, there are two entities that need to be managed.

The Emotional Self (The Subconscious/Gut): This is the part we cannot easily control. It is driven by desires, instincts, and immediate feelings. It's the "Canımız" (our primal essence).

The Executive Self (The Conscious Will): This is the part of you reading this article right now. It is the one that sets goals, applies logic, and exerts will.

You are the Manager of these two. From the moment you are born, you are tasked with leading this duo. Recognizing this duality is the first step toward peace.

2. The Art of Internal Persuasion

Simply recognizing these two people isn't enough. The real challenge is cooperation.

If you want to move forward in life, you have to convince both parties. To truly love yourself, both "selves" need to have a reason to feel that love. The same applies to loving others. Depending on the situation, you may need to focus more on persuading one over the other, but the responsibility of maintaining the peace always falls on the Executive Self.

When these two communicate well, your self-awareness, trust, and self-respect increase naturally.

3. The Reward System: Building Trust Between Selves

Think about a time you used your will to finish a difficult task. Afterward, you rewarded yourself with rest or an activity you love.

What actually happened there? You satisfied both sides. One side did the work (Executive), and the other side got the pleasure (Emotional). By doing this consciously, you show both "selves" that their needs matter. They learn that if they cooperate, they will get what they want. They become more willing to work together next time because trust has been established.

Treat them like two separate human beings. If you value them, listen to them, and sometimes restrict them for their own good, they will grow to respect and help each other.

4. Sacrifice and the Debt of Rest

In a business or a relationship, sometimes one partner has to make a big sacrifice for the other. Your internal world is no different.

There will be periods where you have to work intensely. Your Emotional Self might have to delay its desires for weeks. But here is the rule: When the work is done, you must pay back that debt.

If you worked too hard and neglected your inner needs, your productivity will eventually crash. You must be able to say to yourself: "Okay, it's your turn now. Relax. I'm taking us on a vacation next week." If you ignore the debt, the Emotional Self will eventually "strike" and sabotage your goals.

5. The Result: Self-Compassion Through Management

Once I realized I needed to manage these parts like two partners in a business, everything changed. I became someone who can show self-compassion, someone who is comfortable in their own skin, and someone who can utilize the advantages of both logic and emotion.

It's the "two heads are better than one" effect, but happening entirely within yourself. When you manage these two people with sincerity and discipline, you don't just survive you thrive.

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A Note from Burak: I am constantly learning and refining these ideas. If you see something that could be explained better, or if you have a different perspective you'd like me to explore, please reach out to me via the communication section. Your feedback is vital to this journey of growth.

Start your self-therapy journey with Mindeln today learn to manage your internal dialogue and build lasting self-compassion.