Why do I hide the real me? The Public Suit Pattern
Do you feel like you have to act 'normal' to be liked? Learn why you wear a 'suit' to hide your weirdness and how to be free.
What is The Public Suit?
The Public Suit pattern happens when you were teased for being 'different' or 'weird' as a kid. You learned that showing your real self was dangerous. Now, when you meet people, you put on a 'suit'—a fake way of acting—to fit in. You are afraid that if people see the 'real you,' they will laugh. You use honesty as a tool to figure out if you even need to change at all.
Common Signs & Symptoms
The Mask
Having a 'work voice' or a 'public face' that is totally different from how you act when you are alone.
Hiding the Truth
Not telling people your real opinions because you want to agree with everyone else.
The Social Hangover
Feeling very, very tired after being with people because you spent all your energy acting 'normal.'
Common Triggers
The Party Fear
Going to a place where you don't know anyone and feeling like you have to act 'perfect' to be safe.
The Secret Love
When someone asks what you do for fun and you are scared to tell them because it's 'different.'
The Big Talk
Needing to be honest with a partner or friend but worrying they will think you are 'too much' or 'strange.'
How People Usually Respond
The Suit Life (Unhealthy)
Never letting anyone see the real you. This keeps you 'safe' from laughter but makes you feel very lonely and empty.
The Honest Look (Healthy)
Using Mindeln to talk to your parts. You see that you are okay just as you are and stop hiding.
Self-Therapy Approach
How to Take Off the Suit and Be Free
1. The Suit is a Heavy Bag
When you were small, you wore the suit to stay safe from bullies. It was like a shield. But today, the shield is just a heavy bag that you are carrying. You don't need it anymore. You are an adult, and you can handle a little laughter. Realize that most people are too busy worrying about their own 'suits' to look at yours.
2. Talk to Your 'Parts'
Inside your mind, there are different parts. One part might be 'The Weird Kid' and another might be 'The Guard.' Use logic to talk to them. Ask: 'Why are we hiding?' Usually, the Guard is just trying to protect the Weird Kid. Tell the Guard: 'Thank you, but I am big and strong now. I can protect us.'
3. Honesty is the Magic Key
Honesty isn't just about telling the truth to others; it's about telling the truth to yourself. Take an honest look at what you hide. Do you really need to change? Or do you just need to see that you are already good? Sometimes, just seeing the truth is enough to make the fear go away.
4. The 'Small Reveal'
Try this: Tell one person one 'weird' thing about yourself today. Maybe you like a certain movie or a funny food. Notice that the world doesn't end. Most of the time, the other person will say: 'Me too!'
5. Use the Mindeln App
Open Mindeln and try the Mirror feature. It is built to help you talk to the different parts of your mind. By using the questions there, you can see your parts clearly. It helps you decide what you want to keep and what you can let go. Ready to be the real you? Your journey starts with Mindeln.
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When to Seek Professional Help
# When to Seek Help You should talk to a guide if: * You feel like you don't even know who the 'real you' is anymore. * You feel a huge panic or get sick when you have to talk about yourself. * You feel like you are 'faking' your whole life and you are scared of being 'caught.' * You are so scared of being judged that you never leave your house or meet new people. A guide can help you take off the suit slowly so you feel safe and loved.
Scientific Background
The Science of Social Masking
Social Masking
In science, this is called Social Masking. It is a way the brain tries to fit in to stay safe from the 'herd.' Long ago, being kicked out of the group meant you couldn't survive. Today, masking triggers 'Cognitive Dissonance'—a stress in the brain caused by being two different people at once.
The First Principle of Authenticity
At Mindeln, we look at the math of connection.
Logic shows that if your Authenticity is low (because of the Suit), the Value of your relationships will stay low. To have deep, solid bonds like Burak and Elifnaz, you must increase the authenticity number.
Energy and Hiding
Research shows that hiding your real self uses the same brain power as solving a hard math problem.
If you spend 50% of your energy on Hiding, you only have 50% left for your Tasks (like your business or your studies). Logic shows that taking off the suit makes you smarter and faster.
The Mindeln Approach
How Mindeln Shows the Real You
At Mindeln, we believe that you are exactly who the world needs. We help you find the 'Teasing' memory that made you put on the suit. We give you 'Honesty Missions' to help you practice being real. Mindeln helps you build a life where you are the leader of your own truth. Ready to see yourself clearly? Start your journey with Mindeln.
Common Questions
Q: Is it okay to be 'weird'?
A: Yes! Everyone is a little bit weird. Usually, the things that make you 'weird' are the things that make you a great leader or a creative thinker. Being different is your superpower.
Q: Why does it feel so tiring to be around people?
A: It is tiring because you are wearing a heavy 'suit.' Acting like someone else takes all your energy. When you are just yourself, your 'battery' stays full for much longer.
Q: Will people still like me if I show the real me?
A: The right people will. If someone only likes your 'suit,' they don't really know you. Finding people who love the 'real you' is how you build a happy life.